Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Not News Sports Business Geek Showbiz Politics Music Video All

Thu July 29, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Some Guy)		Teens smoking legal, synthetic version of pot. It doesn't get you high and it costs $20 a gram, reminding us all that teenagers are stupid, stupid people (staugustine.com)	(19)
		"He told police he had gone out to the trampoline and had masturbated himself there" (bbc.co.uk)	(25)
		YouTube decreases the number of parts a pirated sitcom needs to broken into from three to two (physorg.com)	(20)
		Japanese officials visit the home of Tokyo's oldest man to honor his 111th birthday, and then things get weird (bbc.co.uk)	(48)
		What happens when you mix sci-fi with burlesque? Full-frontal nerdity (aolnews.com)	(24)
		Amy Fisher, AKA The Long Island Lolita, signs a deal to get shot in the face (huffingtonpost.com)	(71)
		The police are flush with charges for a man found sleeping in a toilet (seacoastonline.com)	(26)
		Obama stops by "The View," has no clue what a "Snooki" is (celebitchy.com)	(161)
(Some Guy)		Stepping on an IED leaves marine: a) dead b) seriously wounded c) pissed off (marines.mil)	(321)
		Boston Police have begun their three-month dedication to slowing youth violence by: c) Converting a cruiser into an ice cream truck and handing out thousands of free Hoodies. That'll learn 'em (myfoxboston.com)	(81)
		1500 years later, Rome still suffers at the hands of vandals. That really Gauls me (foxnews.com)	(95)
		Did Juneau that a cruise ship struck and killed a whale? (msnbc.msn.com)	(108)
		Infants who get plenty of affection from their mothers cope better as adults, complain researchers who were neglected as kids (upi.com)	(55)
		For a website devoted to transparency, WikiLeaks itself is on par with North Korea when it comes to functional transparency (askmen.com)	(105)
		"Indiana Jones of Torah Scribes" must stop fabricating dramatic stories about rescued Torahs unless he can prove they are kosher. What's next? Jailing grandpa because he didn't really walk to school uphill in a blizzard? (washingtonpost.com)	(41)
		Criticized for a profanity-laden e-mail showing it was screwing its customers, Goldman Sachs decides to ... ban swearing in e-mails (online.wsj.com)	(47)
(Some Fast Food)		Photoshop this snatched snack (animalpicture.ru)	(22)
		Beer saves another life as guy keeps his drunken promise to donate bone marrow to a friend (cnews.canoe.ca)	(28)
(Some Guy)		Local pastor, who is definitely not gay, is upset about "pornographic" men's underwear packaging. Again, not gay (cullmantimes.com)	(124)
		Global warming "undeniable" say scientists who have clearly never read Fark (cbc.ca)	(280)
		The U.S. has never apologized for the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. And we're not going to this year either (myfoxdc.com)	(369)
(The Virginian-Pilot)		In an interview with William Shatner, the Beltway Sniper confesses more killings. Wait. What? (hamptonroads.com)	(43)
		Schadenfreude (n) : The feeling you get when you see a picture of two $2.3m cars with wheel clamps on (dailymail.co.uk)	(104)
		Women cops get treated to an appearance of the ball-grabbing Bull Cop -- hilarity ensues, followed by payouts of 3/4 of a million in gender bias lawsuit settlements (heraldtribune.com)	(32)
(Some Shriner)		Pay attention, butthurt teabaggery right-wing palinbots mad at the Mooslimosque at Ground Zero: know what's right around the bend from the Pearl Harbor memorial? A Shinto shrine (e-shrine.org)	(340)
		To the driver who left his or her car running underneath the Throgs Neck Bridge just before the start of rush hour, a few thousand angry New Yorkers would like to have a few unkind words with you (wcbs880.com)	(71)
		People, seriously, stop pretending your dog is a person (boston.com)	(250)
		Russian PM signs bill giving new powers to the the FSB, including the power to punish crimes you haven't committed yet (news.yahoo.com)	(34)
		A list of Iranian President Ahmadinejad's more notable dislikes. Photoshop learning curve suspiciously absent (telegraph.co.uk)	(49)
		British sex clinic to stay open longer, harder (bbc.co.uk)	(21)
		Massive oil spill threatens to be a "tragedy of historic proportions." This is not a repeat from BP (news.yahoo.com)	(101)
		People begin to drop their guard, unload their rifles, and unseal their panic rooms as the death panel Gestapo has failed to haul away Grandma (washingtonpost.com)	(78)
		Windows-based ATM hack gives cash on demand (networkworld.com)	(84)
		First evidence of a parallel universe found as study shows that libraries lend more DVDs every day day than Netflix rents to its subscribers (news.yahoo.com)	(100)
(Some Guy)		"I poured it in the toilet and it started to fizz." Story about assassination attempt in Afghanistan, not Lindsey Lohan's drug tests (ninesheets.com)	(48)
		This is sure to be even funnier after you miss your connecting flight because airport security detained you for a few extra hours (myfoxdc.com)	(27)
		Ousted USDA employee Sherrod plans to sue that cracker Breitbart (abcnews.go.com)	(669)
		IPhone 4's FaceTime video chat gains traction because of: a). Girlfriends showing off new haircuts. b). Deployed soldiers looking at ultrasounds of their unborn children. c). Porn (washingtonpost.com)	(108)
		Eternal salvation can be yours for just $39 (news.yahoo.com)	(79)
		Monogamy isn't natural, says the psychologist whose wife is about to find out about his affair (cnn.com)	(167)
		Judge rules that the Founding Fathers wanted you to have the right to look like a dumbass wearing baggy pants that hang halfway down your legs (nypost.com)	(86)
		Stealing a vechicle is one thing. Listing it on Craigslist and letting the owner spot their stolen vehicle is not too bright (orlandosentinel.com)	(19)
		Obama wants FBI to be able to get individual's internet usage data without a warrant. That must have been what he meant by transparency (washingtonpost.com)	(486)
		St. Albert Minor Baseball Association says city overreacted to its tradition of setting baseball diamonds on fire (cbc.ca)	(29)
		"Missing California woman reportedly seen in Las Vegas" Apparently, however, neither CNN, the Las Vegas PD nor the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Office can contribute a photo. So be sure to be on the lookout for her (cnn.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)		Peach flavored placenta, plus seven other disturbing inventions from Japan. (slightly Not safe for work) (guyism.com)	(18)
		Suspicious device found in Chelsea. Guess she couldn't wait for the wedding (myfoxboston.com)	(54)
(GCDailyWorld)		When forging a check, it's best to pick an amount that will fit through a teller's window (gcdailyworld.com)	(36)
		South Korean Prime Minister offers to resign... again. Presumably to give speeches on the lucrative Tea Party circuit (edition.cnn.com)	(22)
		Portland doing its best to control child sex trafficking with its two vice cops. Meanwhile the drug unit has 18 officers and 4 sergeants. You're doing it wrong (washingtontimes.com)	(90)
		In a completely fair and balanced article, a prostitute explains that all men cheat (glo.msn.com)	(168)
		News: 100 million facebook users have their personal information hacked and put in a file. Fark: MSNBC posts the story, tells what site it's on and puts up a screenshot of the file description on the site (msnbc.msn.com)	(100)
(Some Wheaton Guy)		Wil Wheaton is 38 in Earth years (he looks younger because of all that time traveling at light speed) (wilwheaton.net)	(171)
(Some Ted Rall)		"When fascism arrives in America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross" Not to mention oblivious to sexual double entendres (boiseweekly.com)	(309)
(Milwaukee of course)		12-year-old girl survives shooting due to being shot in the God (todaystmj4.com)	(497)
		You talkin' to me? YOU TALKIN' TO ME? (news.com.au)	(44)
		Disparity in sentencing between crack and coke fixed, the 1980s smile and nod (cnn.com)	(202)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this creature coming to get you (animalpicture.ru)	(33)
		Styrofoam packing peanuts are being replaced with mushrooms. Keep that in mind the next time you order a ten-foot tall purple bat-winged fire breathing llama from Amazon (mnn.com)	(57)
(Some Guy)		All electric cars qualifying for California's $5000 rebate and permission to carry a single rider in an HOV lane please roll forward. Not so fast there, Chevy Volt (greencarreports.com)	(269)
		From the well of over-tapped WWII heroism, here are the dentures that won the war (bbc.co.uk)	(24)
		Retirees - some as old as 90 - accused of playing loud music and having parties lasting into early hours of morning (dailymail.co.uk)	(31)
		It's Viagra. You know, for kids (nypost.com)	(67)
		56-year-old woman becomes the slowest person to ever swim the English Channel. A WINNER IS YOU (thesun.co.uk)	(26)
		If you put a flightless bird on a conveyor belt will it take off? (stuff.co.nz)	(45)
		Urban ninja mothers urge women to take back the streets. Your move, urban pirate mothers (news.com.au)	(53)
		Beer laced with cheese helps sexual performance. Which explains how a small town like Green Bay can sell out a stadium for 50 years straight (metro.co.uk)	(46)
		One in five Californians say they need mental health care. That explains Pelosi (latimes.com)	(91)
		If you're an overweight, middle-aged, balding man who keeps showing up in the background of reporters' live shots, the English news media is onto you (dailymail.co.uk)	(83)
		Gulf oil is disappearing on its own, Anderson Cooper will have to find somewhere else to wear his muscle shirts, Oh the humanity (examiner.com)	(232)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 273: "Dirty Pictures." Note: Nothing sexual. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(122)
(Some Feathers)		Photoshop a reason for these two to be doing what they are doing (i.imgur.com)	(42)

Wed July 28, 2010

	♫ Motor home man ♫ Motor home man ♫ Motor home man hates bicycle man ♫ They have a fight ♫ Motor home wins ♫ Motor home man ♫ (cnews.canoe.ca)	(76)
(Some Guy)	Law blog illustrates the serious topic of age discrimination with a very inappropriate image (employeerightspost.com)	(221)
	To everybody all freaked out about a Mosque being built near the WTC site? There's already a mosque right there, actually even closer to the WTC site. Oh noes (wonkette.com)	(453)
(Some Guy)	Cheeseburger found in woman's gas tank. It's always in the last place you look (charlotteobserver.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)	Fark ready headline - Police: Naked man sets prosthetic leg on fire with crack pipe (ksdk.com)	(35)
	While we're cleaning up oil and burning lots of coal, the European Union and six member states are going fusion (bbc.co.uk)	(143)
(Las Vegas Sun)	See Fabulous Las Vegas - Experience the nightlife, the gambling, the glamour and glitz, and the internet shoe store office (lasvegassun.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)	News: Woman discovers husband is cheating on her. Not News: Husband actually has a second wife. Fark: First wife finds out about second wife when she sees their wedding pictures on Facebook (clevescene.com)	(82)
	For metro areas with populations over one million, Las Vegas had the highest jobless rate at 14.5% and Washington, D.C. had the lowest at 6.4%... even though both cities are all about playing with other people's money (blogs.wsj.com)	(75)
	Protip: when trying to woo a potential mate, try flowers, chocolates, or music. Stun guns and handcuffs are best saved until after you're married (abc4.com)	(48)
(Perth Now)	Hoon repeat offender's car crushed in demonstration of Australia's tough new anti-hoon laws. WTF is "hooning"? (perthnow.com.au)	(141)
	2010 is going to be the hottest year on record since record-keeping began in 1880. The current top 10: 2005, 2007, 2009, 1998, 2002, 2003, 2006, 2004, 2001 and 2008. But hey, it snowed last winter, so don't worry (nytimes.com)	(311)
	Elisabeth Hasselbeck thinks a lot of older lesbians would have turned out straight if they could have only landed a man (nydailynews.com)	(358)
	I'll see your car-stealing bear and raise you a bear who doesn't need ANYTHING. Except these pears and grapes, and this fishbowl, and this teddy bear. And that's ALL HE NEEDS (news.yahoo.com)	(56)
	Abandoned chickens in need of home, 11 herbs and spices (poconorecord.com)	(30)
	Man arrested for taking pictures at an Amtrak station. Fark: for an Amtrak-sponsored contest called Picture Our Train (nytimes.com)	(96)
	Artist creates 9-ft crucified Christ made of wire coathangers. As if religion didn't cause enough hangups (news.scotsman.com)	(68)
	How do you get that promotion over your work-rival? Go straight to C) Plant child porn on his computer and call the cops (independent.co.uk)	(123)
	Vermont city authorizes vigilante groups to protect painted cow sculptures. "If the cows aren't safe, how can people be safe?" (burlingtonfreepress.com)	(30)
	Photoshop this diminutive dictator (spiegel.de)	(70)
	What may be the first story posted on Fark that involves a 20 year old man grabbing a young girl in a bathing suit that doesn't end in an arrest. Oh, and it also involves the ghost of a dead firefighter (dailyherald.com)	(69)
	"The idea we just spent five years... obtaining two degrees, to go ahead and wipe that right back off our resume in hopes of getting a $12-an-hour job at Starbucks would really be depressing" (msnbc.msn.com)	(756)
(Some Guy)	CBO: 'Deficits will cause debt to rise to unsupportable levels'... you know, like to eleventy (cbo.gov)	(83)
	Former Nazi guard, now 88 years old, charged with the murder of 430,000 Jews. Prosecutors expected to push for a sentence of "wait a few years" (cbc.ca)	(237)
(Some Guy)	The Securities and Exchange Commission no longer has to comply with virtually all requests for information releases from the public, including those filed under the Freedom of Information Act. Change you can bereave in (blogs.barrons.com)	(131)
(Some Guy)	Texas man who killed wife during exorcism regrets performing the ceremony without help, but not, you know, his wife's death or anything (oaoa.com)	(89)
	It turns out only about half of NYC's school kids are proficient in math, rather than the 80 percent previously reported. If only there was some academic subject to assist in these kinds of calculations (nytimes.com)	(33)
	Can you find the subliminal message in this 1980's coke ad? Kinda almost Not safe for workish (break.com)	(165)
	Thai fighters to reinforce border at Cambodia, Endor (news.yahoo.com)	(31)
	Teabaggers organize protest against proposed mosque that is insensitively being built 3,000 miles away from Ground Zero (latimes.com)	(297)
(Some Guy)	Five delicious foods with surprisingly disgusting ingredients. Hot dogs oddly absent from list (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(250)
	What can Brown do for you? This UPS driver can kill you and your daughter, then set your bodies on fire (abcnews.go.com)	(46)
	If you smoke and have friends, you'll live as long as if you don't smoke or have friends, according to scientists from the University of Rectal Extraction (time.com)	(25)
	Tall men and fat women most likely to get bitten by midgets. No, wait, that's 'midges' (telegraph.co.uk)	(34)
	Theo Albrecht, owner of Trader Joe's, dies at 88. He will be buried in a generic casket that's been relabeled with a Hawaiian motif (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(111)
	The sport of competitve lockpicking is growing in popularity in the US though most devotees still call it by its traditional name: "burglary" (news.yahoo.com)	(52)
	Huge, beastly female terrorizes state fair-goers, forcing police to gun her down. Also, a cow escaped (sacbee.com)	(39)
	When the creditors come for house you'll still be able to gun them down (cleveland.com)	(34)
	"When the teller said she didn't have any money he asked for 50c before crouching into the starting race position and running out of the bank" (stuff.co.nz)	(19)
	Truly there is no better way to communicate your dominion over plants and animals than by displaying your seven foot cock in the front yard (www2.tbo.com)	(13)
(Some Guy)	Problems ahead for sexy math teacher caught tapping her student. (w/you'd sine up to hit it given the right triangle pic) (southwestiowanews.com)	(60)
(Some Guy)	I learned something today. Apparently, you shouldn't smoke while using oxygen to treat your lung cancer (courier-journal.com)	(27)
	Japan looks outside her borders for labor. Hmmm, this sounds familiar (washingtonpost.com)	(67)
(Some Guy)	Parasailing donkey to be re-homed by football manager (swns.com)	(8)
	A year ago, the city of Pontiac sold the Silverdome for $583,000. This year a three-day pot convention is scheduled around Halloween. Fark: City can't do anything about it because they no longer own the stadium (detnews.com)	(55)
	Federal Judge says AZ legislature illegally immigrated into federal jurisdiction (foxnews.com)	(791)
	TMZ is paying OJ's bills (thesmokinggun.com)	(31)
	Just one county in Arizona was responsible for nearly 25% of the people sent to DHS for deportation by local law enforcement nationwide - twice as many as LA County for instance. And you'll never guess who is the Sheriff of that county (abcnews.go.com)	(121)
	I see your guy crushed in a trash compactor and raise you a worker crushed in a paper mill roller. Crushed guy trifecta possibility is Flat Out ON (unionleader.com)	(44)
	New figures reveal a huge increase in prostitution tips in Sweden. Who knew leprosy was still such a big problem? (thelocal.se)	(14)
	Listen people, out-of-towners coming in, cussing and using racial slurs - that's the kind of thing that gives Baltimore a bad name, snicker especially when there are...HAHAHAHAHAHA..sorry, I couldn't hold it in anymore (myfoxdc.com)	(40)
	Latest food trend is Korean tacos. The South Korean version contains marinated short ribs, the North Korean contains marinated sticks and leaves (nytimes.com)	(81)
	2008: Congress grants the FBI broad new surveillance powers, but FBI promises that agents will be rigorously trained on the rules for using them and will even be tested on them 2010: FBI IG : Hundreds of agents who took the test cheated (news.yahoo.com)	(24)
	Finally, someone to give Fred Phelps a run for his money. Gainesville church to hold Koran burning on September 11th (guardian.co.uk)	(201)
	Sen. Kerry thwarts investigation by volunteering to pay $500k tax on yacht. It's too bad he doesn't read Fark, our resident experts in MA use tax had already determined nothing was owed (boston.com)	(223)
	If you must accuse your father's friend of raping you, make sure you didn't send a message thanking him for a lovely day on the day in question (smh.com.au)	(137)
	Attention, public masturbators: Your penis piercing makes you just that much more identifiable when the cops arrive (nj.com)	(31)
	His Holiness the pope steps out in His Hatliness...a nice casual baseball cap. With a strangely unsettling pic (dailymail.co.uk)	(64)
	You really did learn everything you needed to know in kindergarten -- if you had a good teacher that is. As to what happens to students with bad teachers? Well, see the politics tab up there? Click it (nytimes.com)	(43)
	Awesome display of impotent rage against unknown illegal procurers of owned items (huffingtonpost.com)	(65)
	A woman being hit and killed by a police cruiser may not be worthy of Fark, but what if she was sleeping under a blanket in a park, 40 feet off the road? (news.cincinnati.com)	(55)
	Protip: Do not solicit babysitters from street corners (news.cincinnati.com)	(11)
	Case of missing young, cute, white woman catching national attention (wave3.com)	(44)
	Illegal immigrants MUST have safe passage and no fear of being detained....on their way back home (foxnews.com)	(29)
	It's like a raaaaaaiiin of bullets on your wedding day..NYPD settles case over the fatal shooting of an unarmed bridegroom for $7,000,000 or about 140,000 per bullet they hit him with (news.yahoo.com)	(79)
	Dumb: Cutting in line at a Starbucks. Dumber: To rob it. Fark: When there are two uniformed police officers waiting in line (ctvbc.ctv.ca)	(15)
(Charlotte Observer)	Zoloft killer gets new trial after judge rules any lawyer who would try the Zoloft defense instead of making a plea bargain has to be incompetent (charlotteobserver.com)	(28)
	The coolest video of an active underwater volcano you'll see all week, courtesy of our friends in NOAA (news.nationalgeographic.com)	(27)
	After a years-long court battle and $200,000 in legal fees, man finally wins right to park in his own driveway (myfoxtampabay.com)	(151)
	If you've bought that bridge in Brooklyn this man would like to sell you the Ritz in London. Don't let the fact that he's penniless put you off (independent.co.uk)	(13)
(The Sun News)	Multiple car chases through multiple states then escapes after arrest and an extremely fark-worthy mugshot (thesunnews.com)	(27)
	Drunkenly crash into parked cars? Have fun in jail. Oh, wait, you're the daughter of the city councilman and your mother is the judge's clerk? Pay your parking fine. Next case (buffalonews.com)	(54)
	"We like to think of them as pets with benefits" (970wfla.com)	(62)
	Two leading economists wielding complex quantitative models say you're not standing in a bread line (nytimes.com)	(97)
	Australia's surviving thalidomide victims finally win their fight for compensation. Let's all give them a big hand (news.com.au)	(31)
	British woman finally solves the mystery of why your socks always disappear in the washing machine (metro.co.uk)	(44)
	In shocking news, an object which is never disinfected has more bacteria on it than an object which is frequently disinfected. WHY AREN'T YOU PANICKING? (telegraph.co.uk)	(43)
	Tired of Kim Jong Il and Ahmadinijad getting all of the press, Al Queda Number 2 vows to attack US. Also vows to make Family Guy funny again, provide Obama's Kenyan Birth certificate (abcnews.go.com)	(45)
	A man dying of ALS takes an unusual approach. Suicide by organ donation. Hero tag kicks weird tag's ass for the win (ajc.com)	(118)
	Get a tattoo, get free beer for life. Sorry, is there a catch in this deal? (news.stv.tv)	(36)
	Marinating meat until it falls off the bone may be good cooking, but it is bad elder care (bostonherald.com)	(45)
(Poughkeepsie Journal)	It's always super-classy when the newspaper features the local strip joint in their fatal-crash-scene photo (poughkeepsiejournal.com)	(57)
	Photoshopping 1930's style. Yard sale negatives may be fake, says party with vested interest (telegraph.co.uk)	(73)
	Megan Fox hates something she'll never have to worry about anyway: Being told she's talented (starpulse.com)	(88)
	Cell phones with built in video cameras seem to be Darwin's gift to law enforcement (news.yahoo.com)	(78)
	Well, it took them several centuries, but liberals have finally managed to outlaw one of the world's great cultural traditions (washingtonpost.com)	(267)
	Gallant helps her 16 year old daughter find her first job. Goofus puts her to work in a brothel (smh.com.au)	(72)
(Some Hippies)	Photoshop this droning didgeridoo (alligator.org)	(25)
(wtsp.com)	Woman loses arm after dancing near a train. No word whether she played piano like a kid out in the rain (wtsp.com)	(95)
	Guy gets shot, tries to drive himself to hospital, but stops at KFC instead. Bet he was mad when he discovered they don't sell Double Downs anymore (nwfdailynews.com)	(69)
	"Victim" unable to stop smiling after woman flashes her headlights in road rage incident (970wfla.com)	(88)
	Annual survey finds the least healthiest state for kids is Mississippi. The good news is that Mississippi kids are so fat they are undesirable to teachers and priests (msnbc.msn.com)	(78)
	Wedding photographer asks bride and groom to pose with hunting rifles and gets one more headshot than planned (news.com.au)	(91)
	A world without mosquitoes? It's more likely than you think (nature.com)	(157)
	Pearce did not know what type of sandwich the man had made that was worth fighting over (thestar.com)	(48)
	Woman arrested after her daughter reports her for DWI. Fark: Daughter is 12-year-old and called from inside the vehicle. Tag is for the daughter (foxnews.com)	(175)
(annarbor.com)	BEES: Your Fire hoses aren't useless against them (annarbor.com)	(76)
	Aggressive, out of control tiger on the loose in Johannesburg neighborhood. Men are being asked to keep their wives indoors until the golf tournament is over (news24.com)	(45)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this space chair (s3.amazonaws.com)	(35)
	Missing man found crushed in trash compactor, thanks to the power of the press (wivb.com)	(62)
	Seattle bartender acknowledged as America's best. "He should be knighted, but this will have to do" (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(53)