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GoogleWeb Fark
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
(Some Guy) Dumbass Cop looking at students' MySpace page while giving an Internet safety presentation calls their pictures "slutty" and says he shared them with a sex predator in prison (41)
(Some Furries) Photoshop Photoshop these sheeple (23)
(Breitbart.com) News Rep. Stephanie Tubbs-Jones' condition re-downgraded to dead (61)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Priniciple outs a lesbian student to her parents, suspends students who support her (279)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Five of the greatest hoaxes of all time. Strangely enough, golden plates and magic spectacles are mentioned nowhere (148)
(Some Guy) Sick Teacher at Christian school teaches 14-year old exactly how Adam and Eve had Cain and Able. "Do not hit" pic included (89)
(Blueweeds) Obvious Not news: Local offical pulled over for speeding. News: Cop offers to let him off because he is driving a hydrogen car. Fark: Official insists on getting a ticket to illustrate the speed of the hydrogen car (84)
(Some Guy) Amusing How to rob a bank with only an 'Out Of Order' sign (60)
(Local6) Florida Residents of Melbourne, Fla. not only dealing with historic flooding from TS Fay, they are now contending with alligators patrolling those flooded streets (73)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Hutchinson, Kansas will hit 92 degrees on Friday, but that won't stop Hobby Lobby from selling Christmas trees in August. there are only 126 days left, people (72)
(Some Angoleiro) Cool Man dance-fights carjacker and wins. No word on whether he was a Shark or a Jet (125)
(AP) Misc French ban TV channels and programming aimed at children under three, claiming it will damage their development. That's absurd, American kids have been watching tv practically since birth, and. . . uh-oh (65)
(USA Today) Sick Old and busted: scrap thieves stealing drain covers and sewer grates. New hotness: scrap thieves stealing cemetery urns and mausoleum gates (39)
(AJC) Strange Atlanta school superintendent faces resignation petitions for suggesting that Idaho does not have black people (108)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Fail City builds new $16 million elementary school. Residents vote against referendum that would have paid to staff and run the school, so it'll sit empty (141)
(AP) Interesting Bush administration set to withdraw all troops from Iraqi cities by June 30th (240)
(Some Suicidal guy) Dumbass Guy who killed 11 people while trying to commit suicide gets 11 life terms. You can't has death penalty (81)
(AFP) Cool Giving blood may soon go the way of winding your watch or changing your record needle, as scientists announce a new technique to create unlimited blood supplies from stem cells (162)
(apartment ratings.com) Strange Spy cameras, bugged phones, fake names, and counter-intelligence... Greatest apartment review ever (131)
(CBS News) Obvious Rudy Giuliani to play prominent role in national disaster occurring in September (114)
(Newsweek) Sad "The management fired all the lifeguards, replacing them with new ones who could swim" (36)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing Rebel cows: You can't stop 'em, you can only hope to contain 'em (47)
(Some Fiend) Unlikely This is why it's so difficult to find a nymphomaniac who doesn't make your life hell (215)
(WBBM) Spiffy Please be sure your seats are in the upright and locked position. You are now free to surf the internet for porn (72)
(WNBC) Dumbass Man calls cops after gas station refuses to give him refund for box of condoms. Police say they will probably toss out charge against him this time, won't do hard time (36)
(Some Guy) Amusing Student creates fake restaurant with "bumbling" menu & subpar wine list, submits it to Wine Spectator magazine as part of her research--and wins Award of Excellence. Where is your sommelier now? (107)
(AP) Dumbass If you're going to grow marijuana, at least don't grow it on your driveway in plain view (73)
(Canada.com) Silly Obama / Sutherland '08? McCain / Cyrus for America? Hell, why not at this point (92)
(CBC) Spiffy Montreal voted best city in the world and will occupy Boardwalk, the most expensive square in newest version of Monopoly. The houses will still be made out of plastic though (81)
(AP) Followup NATO general says Pakistan chaos emboldens Taliban. Taliban respond that they'd rather be italicized (28)
(MSNBC) News Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones, who was in critical condition, then dead, is now alive (191)
(Herald-Leader) Followup Former Kentucky gubernatorial candidate wasn't attempting to intice young girls into his king sized waterbed, he was merely offering their grandmother "a good fattening hog" (93)
(CBS News) Fail School bus mishap winds up with 6 year old boy wandering alone in Mexico--but on the plus side, the kid won a bundle at the cockfights in TJ (104)
(WTMJ) Cool $20,000 worth of gas missing from gas station, that's like 10 gallons (49)
(BBC) Scary Great tits are packing up and heading for cooler climates in response to global warming. EVERYBODY PANIC (123)
(Free Press) Obvious Michigan: Yup, still fat (166)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these vociferous Vikings (71)
(WESH Orlando) PSA When operating a gasoline engine, it's best not to do so in your living room (31)
(Guardian.com) Interesting One in five women in America are remaining childless throughout their lives, twice the proportion of a generation ago when women wore short, delicate skirts and stockings more often (667)
(Burlington Free Press) Spiffy The Great State of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese (88)
(BBC) Dumbass 1. Steal 1000 hair straighteners from work. 2. List them on eBay using work's computers. 3. Profit (with fark-worthy pic) (118)
(PghLive.com) Strange Man convicted for assault with a deadly gnome (49)
(Dayton Daily News) Florida Minor fender bender turned crack-fueled rampage brought to you by the letters F and L (84)
(CBS Miami) Florida Today's Jesus in a piece of wood comes with a twist. Flip the wood upside down and Jesus turns into the devil (135)
(Network World) Spiffy FTC essentially bans prerecorded telemarketing drivel. It's not the "electrocute the bastards by pressing the pound key" solution we were hoping for, but it's still a good thing (168)
(The Register) Scary Boy discovers the hard way why it's a bad idea to have a fart-lighting competition next to a gasoline can. Bonus police quote, "I think he must have won the competition" (63)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Man attempts the old "I couldn't have flashed that cop because my junk is too small to see" defense, with predictable results (50)
(CNN) Interesting Mark Chapman says he is ashamed that he killed John Lennon. Parole Board gives him squishy hug and lets him out. Nah, just kidding, he's not going anywhere (178)
(ABC News) Obvious Article asks, "If you had $147,000 to spend on scientific research, would you rather try to find a cure for cancer or see whether women get sexually aroused while watching pornography?" (168)
(Aftenposten.no) Scary Russia to cease all military exercises with NATO members, except for invading them (192)
(Some Guy) Strange You probably shouldn't flash a bikini-clad barista who's holding a cup of boiling water. "Kylie opened the door and threw boiling hot water on his face and his chest and he said oooh yeah." (73)
(Washington Post) Strange Job-seeker who changed her gender goes to court. (with "you ain't foolin' anyone" pic) (304)
(CBS Sacramento) Cool Caught on tape: Woman takes on 6'5", 215 pound, shotgun-wielding convenience store robber and wins (93)
(CBS News) Amusing Monkey escapes Dragnet at Tokyo station, promptly falls into pagan clutches (53)
(Sun Sentinel) Sad PETA may buy Seaworld from new owners InBev. So if you were thinking of eating Shamu, you'd better act fast (139)
(Live Science) Followup Bigfoot hoax could cost police officer his job--presumably because anyone that bad at falsifying evidence wouldn't make a good policeman (48)
(Some Guy) Interesting Do corporations really pay no taxes? Or is it just a bunch of overhyped media BS on a slow news day? The real numbers indicate the latter (233)
(Baltimore Sun) Fail Step 1: Steal signs from the roofs of Pizza Hut cars and demand $500 for their return. Step 2: Send a cell phone photo to prove you have them, kindly including your license plate in the pic. Step 3: Earn the tag (116)
(CNN) News Ahora esta llegando en la puerta 9... puerta 10.... puerta 11... puerta 12 (215)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're a highly visible TV reporter, maybe you shouldn't be including your photo when soliciting dudes for threesomes on Craigslist (297)
(CNN) Followup Rice signs missile defense agreement with Poland. Missiles that will defend northern threats will be placed upright, missles for the southern defenses will be placed facing downward (113)
(athensonline) Amusing Univ. of Georgia planning to name a building after former governor and US Senator Zell Miller. Students not sure how they will feel about studying in the Farking Nutbag Learning Center (102)
(Reuters) Stupid Most Americans think that the worst of the fuel price spike is over. No, this is not a repeat from 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, or 2007 (194)
(Bloomberg) Obvious U.S comsumers consume less gasoline. Refiners respond by cutting production of gasoline. Wall Street considers it a shortage in supply, and raises crude oil prices (158)
(The Newspaper) Stupid City says its speeding tickets should be upheld because its speed limit signs are only a little bit illegal (155)
(BBC) Obvious World's oldest man loses title (66)
(Baltimore Sun) Sappy Man makes Eagle Scout at age 50. Apparently took forever to get procratination merit badge (142)
(USA Today) Florida Like an unrelenting Haitian on a makeshift boat, tropical storm Fay just keeps hitting the Florida coast (90)
(Metro) Stupid Man photographs police breaking the law, is surprised when they arrest him and charge him with assault, indiscriminate behavior, mopery, high treason, provoking, being a smart guy, listening to classical music and so on (157)
(AP) Fail US healthcare getting much better....this guy was only ignored for 22 hours before he died (321)
(News.com.au) Obvious 100,000 people line up to watch a parade of topless female bikers (118)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If under house arrest, one should refrain from driving naked while speeding, drunk, and high on crack cocaine with a naked prostitute next to you (87)
(MSNBC) Weird As the popularity of cremations rises, an odd trend has also cropped up: More people are abandoning their loved one's ashes at the funeral home (66)
(The Tennessean) Scary Ma'am, I know you're having labor pains, and I'm sorry, but this hospital doesn't deliver babies anymore (73)
(Gainesville) Florida Shoe and bloodied Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirt found inside of bear (125)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this misty mountain path (85)
(Canada.com) Sad A Canadian tradition, where people laugh, wield hatchets and bet on where headless chickens will keel over, has been cancelled due to political correctness (134)
(NJ.com) Stupid You'd think a 56-year old police dispatcher would know better than to chat as "Dirty Old Ira" and tell a young girl that "14 is the new 18." But since this is Fark, you know that wasn't really a young girl (85)
(WWL) Obvious Two hooded robbers try to rob the Sopranos meat market, with expected results (59)
(Some Guy) Amusing "At one point while the four were engaged in sex in the bedroom, Salinas started arguing with the defendant and the two men started pushing each other while still naked." (130)
(9 News) PSA Denver police would like to remind all you hippie Democrats that pot smoking will not be tolerated at the Convention (105)
(Forbes) Ironic Woman sues AARP for age descrimination (45)
(ABC News) Dumbass TSA employee conducting security checks decides to use fragile external control sensors as hand holds to climb onto 9 planes. Failarity is grounded until further notice (146)
(PennLive) Asinine Not news: Muslim banned from flying. News: His employer fires him over it. Fark: He's an airline pilot. TotalFark: He's an American Gulf War veteran pilot (315)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this daft Olympian punk (68)
(CBS Sacramento) Asinine Having solved a $15 billion deficit, the California Senate breathlessly resolves that electric cars are too quiet. Fail: "It would establish a committee to study the issue and recommend ways the vehicles could make more noise" (270)
(AP) Spiffy Wisconsin man buys lottery ticket. Wife buys a ticket from a different store using the same numbers. Fark: They both win $350,000 (99)
(CNN) Ironic No Rice in China (87)
(CNN) Asinine Not news: Man finds he's on no-fly list. News: He's an airline pilot authorized to carry a gun on a plane and former brigadier general. Fark: He gets around it by using a different name (122)
(Cedar Rapids Gazette) Interesting Ninjas rob store in Iowa City. Police say it was inevitable because Iowa doesn't have any pirates (59)
(Some Guy) Fail Fun: Cruising in your 1969 convertible. More fun: Squealing your tires and leading cops on a chase. Not thinking through your cunning plan: Pulling into your driveway with the cops behind you (151)
(Reuters) Scary Climate change a bunch of hooey, you say? The Kenai National Forest would like a few words with you (568)
(10News.com) Fail City manager warned about using computer to surf Pam Anderson's website. Seriously, WTF: Pam Anderson? (177)
(Some Guy) Amusing Country singer shouts "Anyone got a beer?" from the stage. Gets one right between the eyes (115)
(The Times of India) Interesting UK busts plan to kill the queen. Way to go, Frank Drebbin (83)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Medical student arrested after trying to recruit a New Zealand woman and her 4-year-old daughter to breed a society of sex slaves that would live on a farm or island. Also believes the letters he reads in Penthouse Forum are real (138)
(Seacoastonline.com) Sad The Portsmouth, NH police would like you to know that they have their naked teen problem under control. Bastards (49)
(WGAL 8) Asinine When a soldier is called up to serve his country, the good people of Lebanon, PA do what anyone would do: Throw him off the schoolboard because he's going to miss more than two meetings. God bless America (77)
(The Sun) Spiffy Meet Annabel Smith, Britian's only female beer boffin. "Tasting beer is what I was born to do." After a couple drinks, you'd hit it (101)
(Telegram) Unlikely Elementary school janitor spends summer vacation changing from a man to a woman. "We expect the kids to accept this readily," says the principal (92)
(CBS 46) Followup Step 1: Freeze a rubber suit and call it Bigfoot. Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit. Step 4: Disappear (182)
(Oregon Live) Asinine The new yuppie potluck: Each guest pays a professional chef $25 plus the cost of groceries to cook in your home (169)
(AP) Interesting Taliban kill French paratroopers, raid U.S. base. You remember the Taliban, right? The guys who are aiding and abetting Bin Laden? You remember Bin Laden, right? Guys? Uhhh, guys? (330)
(KOLN/KIGN) Interesting Thieves reprogram ATM to dispense $20 bills instead of singles. In other news, some ATMs still dispense singles (121)
(Marketwatch) Obvious Obviously The War on Drugs is a complete success: Survey finds teens can buy drugs more easily than alcohol. Great j0rb, DEA (217)
(The Sun) Strange Cat Yoda has four ears (118)
(Some Guy) Asinine Commissioners of one county in Tennessee vote 10 times to keep schools closed in favor of lowest property taxes in the state (437)
(Some Couple) Photoshop Photoshop these happy workers (45)
(My Fox DC) Sad Patrick the Starfish arrested for fondling tourist. Sponge Bob posts bail, unavailable for comment (140)
(MSNBC) Interesting Detroit's city council tries to vote to remove the city's beleaguered mayor, but are promptly biatchslapped by a judge who reminded them they have no such power to do anything like that (227)
(National Post) Weird Televangelist who lived "biker-dude lifestyle" and claimed to raise the dead loses ministry over ordinary affair (149)
(WSB-TV) Scary Whoever said vitamin supplements do nothing? This one makes your hair and nails fall out (87)
(National Geographic) Spiffy Top 50 places to live in America for adventurers. Visit Seattle, where the latte and hippies run free (204)
(Break) Fail Step 1: Fill dozens of balloons. Step 2: Big countdown with all the participants. Step 3: Submitter gets to use the spiffy new FAIL tag (1426)
(CNN) Obvious Oil falls despite the Georgian strife, further proving no one has a farking clue what is going on (135)
(MSNBC) Amusing Today is National Aviation Day. Here's your random list of bizarre stories from the industry (80)
(MSNBC) Stupid Homeless advocates: How can we help homeless children? Hey let's design a summer camp. So they can experience life outdoors.... oh, wait (54)
(Some Guy with a fixy) Amusing Not content with beating up bicyclists, the NYPD throws the hurt down on a "hispter panda riot dance rock battle" (88)
(BBC) Cool Wild dolphin teaches other dolphins to tail-walk. Fifteen yards, still first down (83)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Facebook is for posting pics of yourself while inebriated, not for posting pics of yourself holding indeterminate lumps of flesh during surgery (55)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Man who threw waterballoon charged with launching a deadly missile (80)
(Reuters) Cool Lots of people say they really want to attend the Olympics, but this guy actually cycled over 800 miles to Beijing towing his 98-year-old grandmother in a pedicab to fulfil her dream of attending the Olympics (45)
(ABC News) Interesting Attorneygate: What did Bush know, and when did he know it? (375)
(MSNBC) Sad Half of college students consider liberal arts degree (379)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida "When asked to produce a driver's license, he handed the officer two different pairs of sunglasses and an empty box of condoms" (61)
(Reuters) Obvious Officials are worried that the $175 million settlement for the 100 fans burned to death at a Great White concert will spur copycat fortune-seekers to carry fireworks into Night Ranger, Cinderella and Poison concerts at pool halls and bingo games (147)
(NYPost) Dumbass Punk, 25, would've gotten away with stealing that 81-year-old's wallet if it weren't for that pesky surveillance tape, the car that hit him while trying to escape and, of course, leaving his wallet at the scene of the crime (32)
(CTV) Amusing Phone company to hold promo where people use giant slingshot to launch their old phones into a recycle bin. What could possibly go wrong? (44)
(The Newspaper) Dumbass Old couple supports speed cameras even after getting ticket for driving 100 in a 30 zone (57)
(CBS News) Interesting Another consequence of rising gas prices: More children have to WALK to school. The horror (178)
(Switched) Amusing Forget Taco Bell. Now you can take a frozen burrito with you and microwave it in your car. "Simpsons did it" starts to the right (75)
(Reuters) Unlikely Olympic medals aren't about talent, training and determination, it's all about star signs (99)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Team of six suicide bombers attack American bases in Afghanistan, killing six (134)

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