Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Fark will be undergoing some database hardware maintenance later tonight. More details here.

Mon February 08, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		"Sheen Remains Weeks After Port Arthur Oil Spill." I bet he'd go away if they offered him some hookers and coke (abcnews.go.com)	(58)
(Some Relic)		Photoshop your cell phone's granddad (s3.amazonaws.com)	(34)
		San Francisco finally steps up to help the people of Haiti (jamesfallows.theatlantic.com)	(109)
		Apparently the Battle of the Java Sea was so chaotic, the Japanese navy didn't notice the small tropical island moving around (boingboing.net)	(79)
		Hair extensions cause baldness (news.bbc.co.uk)	(61)
		Six shockingly evil things babies are capable of (cracked.com)	(171)
		Activists break out the ultimate weapon against anti-Indian violence in Australia: Vindaloos (news.bbc.co.uk)	(109)
		20 percent of adults would rather spend Valentine's Day with a pet than a person. Unknown how much peanut butter is involved (news.yahoo.com)	(97)
		Definition of parental overkill: waterboarding your four-year old daughter (abcnews.go.com)	(202)
		Study shows that actually being a parent may prevent your kid from being a fat, lazy, slob (health.yahoo.com)	(55)
		Dr. Conrad Murray charged with involuntarily manslaugtering Michael Jackson (contactmusic.com)	(116)
		Researchers are pfinally turning their attention to the health benefits of Ginger, Garlic, and St. John's wort. The pfacts are in: herbal pfixes are pfatal (nytimes.com)	(126)
		Rep. John Murtha (D-ead) (abcnews.go.com)	(588)
(Some Guy)		Scientists are one step closer to finding a cure for aging, ensuring young people will not know the humiliation of senility but will know the thrill of dying amidst a hunger and disease-strewn, overcrowded world (montrealgazette.com)	(102)
		Half-naked women protest Ukrainian election. In other news, Ukranian elections are awesome (news.com.au)	(151)
		If you're a veterinarian, it's considered "inappropriate and unprofessional behaviour" to put a dog's testicles in your mouth. Huh, who knew? (metro.co.uk)	(91)
		One artist's amazing miniature origami. I can barely see what she did there (metro.co.uk)	(56)
(Not Drew)		While Drew's recovering from his party last night, here are some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/31 - 2/6 (fark.com)	(10)
		Photoshop this red carding (cache.boston.com)	(45)
		GM is working with NASA on new space-travelling android. But they're still striking out on that whole warp-drive thing (content.usatoday.com)	(63)
		Once the province of the young and the hip, blogging is now considered as modern and stylish as spats and poodle skirts (news.yahoo.com)	(103)
		North Dakota, which has the lowest unemployment rate in the nation, has an exploding homeless population as desperate job seekers flood the state. Yes, this actually is a repeat from a Steinbeck novel (abcnews.go.com)	(135)
		God of Nerds Alton Brown picks the five cookbooks you should have right this very instant (online.wsj.com)	(250)
		Get your popcorn. Verizon blocks 4chan (gizmodo.com)	(766)
		While police work can include long periods of boredom, you probably shouldn't stage an armed robbery at a pharmacy you know to be under surveillance (news.com.au)	(12)
		City dog park comes complete with its own beach with replenished sand, offshore rip-rap barrier. Your dog wants sunscreen (www2.tbo.com)	(43)
		Cool aerial photos of Washington, D.C. covered in snow (myfoxdc.com)	(135)
		New research finds that beer is good for your bones. In a related study, researchers concerned that Farkers are damn near indestructible (abcnews.go.com)	(62)
		Have a Coke and a pancreas full of cancer (rawstory.com)	(225)
		Ain't no party like a Facebook party 'cause a Facebook party don't stop until your $1.5 million home is destroyed (metro.co.uk)	(151)
		Dead man found in landing gear. IT'S STILL WHEEL TO ME, DAMMIT (news.com.au)	(108)
		Sheriff's deputy finds out the hard way that his car wasn't as stuck as he thought (ajc.com)	(87)
		Massachusetts governor wants to fire toll collectors, replace them with surveillance system tracking and tolling every vehicle on Turnpike. In other news, Raytheon's check cleared (bostonherald.com)	(136)
		Caption this talk-show threesome watching the Super Bowl (i.usatoday.net)	(73)
		Elderly woman forced to crawl under cars to leave her house after CSX parks train in her driveway. Two months ago (upi.com)	(115)
		Jack Nicholson is considering a sky burial. Wait 'til the vultures get a load of him (contactmusic.com)	(67)
		Photoshop this snow throw (online.wsj.com)	(30)
		God's billboard wars are getting ugly (tampabay.com)	(445)
		Reason # 4559 to not trust a door-to-door salesman (nzherald.co.nz)	(61)
		A hard act to swallow (abc.net.au)	(43)
		Laura Chinchilla set to become Costa Rica's first female, rodent President (news.bbc.co.uk)	(67)
		If you have a temporary crown, some sticky poster putty, and a yellow highlighter, you too can fix a broken eagle's beak (denverpost.com)	(28)

Sun February 07, 2010

	Christian group upset that hate crimes laws could interfere with their efforts to commit hate crimes (rawstory.com)	(528)
	The Saints geaux marching in (nbcsports.msnbc.com)	(745)
	Newspaper runs the wrong picture to promote the Winter Olympics, Chris Hansen seen purchasing plane ticket to Poland (examiner.com)	(115)
	Photoshop this lady trying her luck (spiegel.de)	(35)
	#7: Thought it'd be higher. #6: Wut? #5 and #4: Yeah, OK. #3: Oh hell yeah. #2: wipes tear from eye #1: USA USA USA (Warning: slideshow) (cnbc.com)	(117)
(Waterloo Courier)	School confiscates student-run school newspaper because of an article questioning treatment of students, saying it "violated student confidentiality" by showing how atheletes got preferential treatment over everyone else (wcfcourier.com)	(233)
(NFL.com)	Colts. Saints. Manning. Brees. The matchup we've all been waiting for has finally arrived, and this is your Super Bowl XLIV thread (CBS, kickoff approx. 6:25 ET) (nfl.com)	(5254)
	Son of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" author becomes 35 year old junkie in a noise band called "Child Abuse". Sounds about right (independent.co.uk)	(82)
	Never mind the game, it's Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl. "Today's installment features an all-kitten halftime show, not to mention bunny 'cheerleaders' and hamsters flying overhead in a miniature blimp." (3pm Eastern) (cleveland.com)	(376)
	The coolest model cars / village you'll see.. ever. Yes, ever (flickr.com)	(139)
	How does the Nanny State™ deal with dead-beat dads? How about c) Freeze their bank accounts, sieze their homes, confiscate their passports, and impose curfews (guardian.co.uk)	(241)
	Bulgarian immigrant granted US citizenship in 1981 told she has "never been an American." You'd think with looks like that, they would have given in to her (chicagotribune.com)	(187)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this smoky scene (img-fotki.yandex.ru)	(47)
(Park Rapids Enterprise)	If you see a sign saying speed limit 60, then a sign saying speed limit 30, then a sign saying there's no speed limit, what is the speed limit? (Hint: it's a trap) (parkrapidsenterprise.com)	(115)
	"Mass casualties" after explosion at Connecticut power plant (cnn.com)	(378)
(adelaide.com.au)	94-year-old man opens a can of Matlock on a home invader: "I jumped out of bed and I tackled him... I was wrestling him around" (adelaidenow.com.au)	(27)
(Springfield News Sun)	When you see a vanity plate, it means the other car is more important and you should get out of its way (springfieldnewssun.com)	(165)
	Happy birthday to our ringleader, Drew (en.wikipedia.org)	(249)
	Woman sues McDonalds over hot coffee. This actually is a repeat from 1992. Just different players (consumerist.com)	(195)
	NASA scrubs space shutle launch, will try again Monday, when the entire crew and launch team is super hungover after tonight's Super Bowl (cnn.com)	(70)
	The classic Noo Yawk accent is fading away. Youse got a problem with dat? (nypost.com)	(209)
	Tennessee city taking down red light cameras. Because of public outrage? Nope. It's because the camera company wasn't making enough money (chattanoogan.com)	(100)
(Today's TMJ4)	Apparently mall rent-a-cops have Tasers now, and they aren't afraid to use them. But at least they have mad CPR skills (todaystmj4.com)	(94)
(Some Guy)	Everyone should have a hobby. But that hobby should probably not involve running around a nightclub parking lot naked and high, starting fights with people (citizensvoice.com)	(34)
	Taxpayers to foot the bill for cops' gastric banding, donuts (news.com.au)	(50)
	Church invites non-Christian people to anonymously attend services and afterwards complete a survey. "The service feels like a late night talk show gone bad." (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(180)
	Man, in the process of being arrested for stabbing his stepson in the neck, begs police for the chance to finish his pie. "My pie's sitting on the ground. I just paid for that." (3news.co.nz)	(53)
(Some Guys)	Photoshop this cane clash (s3.amazonaws.com)	(39)
	Gay man penetrates bizarre world of gay-to-straight conversion. "We advise fathers, 'If you don't hug your sons, some other man will." (independent.co.uk)	(223)
	When fleeing after stealing a bottle of Schnapps, choose a better hiding place than a police station (msnbc.msn.com)	(10)
	♫ I killed you....My Way ♫ (nytimes.com)	(76)
	French President Nicolas Sarkozy has declared the burqa "not welcome" in secular France after two men robbed bank disguised as Muslim women dressed in head to toe traditional religious garb (abc.net.au)	(482)
(Some Guy)	84 Lumber roof collapses under weight of snow during Virginia storm. If only there was some material one could use to fortify a structure (nbc29.com)	(81)